Our Truth Between Us - Part 2 (4)

Posted on Mon Jun 22nd, 2026 @ 1:40am by Lieutenant Jennifer Richardson M.D. & Commander Erris Sudis
Edited on on Mon Jun 22nd, 2026 @ 1:41am

3,461 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Preamble
Location: USS Venture: XOs Quarters

"You cant blame yourself...it was David's choice. He could have saved himself or he could have attempted to save you both. This time though...it backfired on him." Finally letting go of Sudis' hands, she moved across to his replicator as she pressed some buttons and waited for a concoction to materialize. She temporarily needed the space to process and just draw a breath. "It wasn't David's way to be able to not at least try, no matter the consequences it might bring."

His eyes sullen from his tears still followed Jennifer's free movements through his quarters to the replicator. His feet shuffled him around to follow. He took a footstep towards her but his feet felt heavier than normal. His knee's muscles spasmed due to his hangover and remained still for a moment while he thought about her choice of words. He agreed with her on David. He was unlike anyone he'd met in his lifetime. He was the second person outside of familial lines to connect with him in a meaningful way and counted it as a blessing that Doctor Jennifer Richardson was the third, "He was an incredibly bright, remarkable young man who proven himself timelessly again and again under my command without reproach. We both know he would it again if he had the chance to."

As two glasses materialized, Jennifer took them both before turning to Sudis and offering one in his direction. "Sparkling water, a touch of lime juice, a pinch of sea salt and some honey. The electrolyte boost will help with the after effects of the alcohol from the blood wine while also offering you some hydration."

As Sudis took the glass, Jennifer indicated to his couch, sitting herself down as she turned her body, looking at where he stood. Tears still dampened her eyes as she began to crack open a part of her memories she had firmly kept closed to be able to survive. "Did you ever know, we first met after he was involved in an IED blast. Shrapnel embedded in his body, one piece penetrating his heart. He was in even worse state than you were the first time I met you. He wasn't expected to survive and I was his surgeon. He took the brunt of the blast in order to save a mother and her young child."

Sudis looked at the glass in his hand and brought it to his lips. He nursed it for a while before joining her on the couch. He sat down with no space between them as he looked at her, "Yes, which is why I handpicked him for the advancement unit on Betazoid. I didn't want people who would blindly follow orders, I needed people that I could count on doing the right thing even during these horrific trials and tribulations. He remained who he was, David Richardson."

He took another sip of it from her. The taste of citrus from the lime, the coarseness of the sea salt, and the sweetness from the honey along with the bubbles from the sparking water worked in the way that Jenni had intended. He started to feel better with every passing sip.

"It was part of why I love him. That selfless instinct that called on him to prioritize others above himself." Taking a sip of her own drink, Jennifer glanced away at the the view from the long window. The next words being the hardest she'd ever needed to say. "It's also the reason that I hate him...now I know he didn't die from just some random encounter or because he let his guard down; now I know he prioritized others over his own wife. He prioritized without thought of that he would be leaving me and our life behind."

Sudis frowned at Jennifer's words about his fallen comrade. She was allowed to have mixed feelings about her deceased husband. He wasn't going to diminish nor get in the way of her feelings regarding his death. He felt responsible for David's death. Sudis Erris would have been died on Betazed in that moment. They both would have. In fact he more than likely saved the entire unit itself and not only his direct superior. He closed his eyes remembering weapons fire from Cardassian and Jem'Hadar troops overhead and hitting various places. He was about to speak but he turned his head. He placed his drink on the floor at their feet and rubbed his face into his hands while he covered his eyes while he tried to fight back the tears and the guilt. It poured.

Jennifer closed her own eyes as she could hear the sounds from Sudis, their bodies close enough that she could feel the subtle changes in his muscles as he reacted. This was why last night she had pushed his words away; because she knew if they dealt with things in the reverse, they'd have both walked away wih parts of themselves broken. It was as if she had known last night that they both needed to be together in a way that left negative emotions at the door, to just be able to feel human. To brace themselves for what was to come next.

Her own tears crowded down her cheeks as her emotions finally gave away from need to force her to feel the pain all over again. The pain of loss and grief, this time joined with anger and physical pain. It felt like that day so long ago where she's first looked Sudis in the eyes as he delivered the news that broke her apart.

But in remembering that day; she remembered the flash of emotions in Sudis as the pain of his body battered his defenses. Despite trying to be stoic on that moment; equal pain, guilt and anguish had flashed through his with each word he had delivered. At the time she hadn't been able to do anything, her life collapsed too hard and he'd been injured to the point she had needed to intervene. But she understood now that in saying to her what he had last night, he'd held it back for eighteen months. The tears he cried now, she understood he hadn't allowed himself to properly share until now.

What they both felt was to equal to one another; not one was a higher priority over another. Jennifer grieved the loss of her husband but had Sudis ever properly grieved the loss of a friend and comrade? A man both had been close to, Jennifer had just had longer to be in David's life.

Opening her eyes, Jennifer's hand reached forward to pry Sudis' away from his face; hoping that he would look at her in that moment, tears still trailing down her cheeks, dampening the collar of his shirt. "Everything happens for a reason...for a path that's laid out for us to follow even when we don't know it might be happening. David was meant to die to save you, the universe wasn't ready to let you go yet. Isn't that what you believe?"

He tried to regain his composure when Jennifer pried his hands away from his face and brought him to face her own tears. He hadn't been able to grieve the loss of his biological parents. He couldn't recall their own faces, their voices, who they were before the Cardassian bombardments and troops forcefully removing the settlement's colonists. He could grieve for his fallen comrades, all those who perished, especially David Richardson. His death hit him the hardest. He felt like a great weight had been taken off of his shoulders after telling Jennifer about the true events on Betazed.

He found comfort in her words about the Prophets and their nonlinear existence on the plane of the Celestial Temple they were about to embark on in several hours into their collective futures as their assignment aboard the Venture would take them into the Pale, the Federation controlled space. He didn't know what to expect when they crossed that threshold together as a crew. It was a religious rite for him to experience that alone was both exhilarating and worrisome. The Prophets' words to him since his return to Bajor, Deep Space Nine and having an evening shared with Jennifer all was just a thinly veil of riddles.

"Yes," Sudis nodded his head. "That is what I believe and still do."

He leaned over and kissed her softly on one cheek while his fingers lightly caressed the other.

Jennifer closed her eyes at the kiss, her heart hurt so bad right now but she also knew that she would be ok...she had to be ok. The fight of the last eighteen months to just return to being human, to finding herself again. She knew she couldn't go back to where she had been before.

In saying all of that, she also knew that she couldn't push aside the hate; the counselling training in her knew that she still needed time to acknowledge the emotion and to sit with it. To embrace its reason for being. She'd had her anger at the beginning just based on David having died; this anger was different. This time though, she knew she could survive it.

Moving her head slightly to the side, she allowed herself another taste of Sudis' lips before leaning against the hand that cupped her cheek. "Then you also believe that our meeting wasn't a chance of faith; it was predestined. The emotions we feel, the reactions we have are meant to be."

Her breath hitched a little as Jennifer let out a slow breath. "I thought that I had grieved David but I feel like part of my healing has been ripped back. But for it to happen as it did amongst what occurred between you and I must too have happened that way for a reason."

"Yes," Sudis' hand that was caressing her face fell into his lap while he moved his face away to maintain eye contact and a sense of closeness. "Predestination is an easier explanation from the Earth Presbyterians understanding of Christianity. Its more complicated in the Bajoran faith. Our Prophets are nonlinear and they don't see time like you, I or other corporeal carbon-based lifeforms comprehension. Unlike the Presbyterians, we believe in freewill to an extent. What happened with us last night was real but the choice was ours. At least that's my understanding.

"The Prophets have appeared to me countless times throughout my lifetime. They usually are thematic but they speak in riddles beyond Federation Standard, Bajoran or Universal Translator's translation or understanding itself. In time their riddles become evident. One of mine was to speak with you about David's death on Betazed. I hope it sets you free from your pain, hardship and burden.

"Yet that's all a part of the human experience."

Jennifer frowned a little, her hand moved down to Sudis' leg, resting her palm on the comforter, as she sought out a way to maintain contact. She had a great respect for the man's religion, having been exposed to it the last time they had met. But part of the statement confused her. "Had the prophets not told your to tell me, would you have told me yourself?"

"Yes. I would have," Sudis continued, "for your beloved's death weighed heavy on my heart." He took her hand and placed it on his chest above his bare chest. He was still unclothed and in the nude while he looked her in the eyes. He then brought her hand to his lips and lightly kissed the top of her hand. "Telling you the truth is of utmost importance to me as it is to you. Mindfulness is something that the Buddhist monks in Tibet had taught me before I joined up with Starfleet."

Jennifer let out a slow breath, leaving her hands in Sudis as the warmth of his kiss as well as his words gave her comfort. "Pain, hardship and burden weren't quite the right words. They say that grief brings denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I've spent eighteen months going through each stage in a different order; the most prominent being denial and depression. This peeling back of part of the reinforced skin...it hurts. It makes everything real again. You were right...its all a part of the human experience but I think that every race capable of emotion goes through similar."

Entwining her fingers with his, Jennifer knew another elephant lay in the room; one only she had an almost complete awareness of but part of her needed to know what was true in Sudis also. Drawing a further slow and steady breath, she eyes met his again as she held their gaze. "Knowing now that's there's a shadow between us, now what? Do we go our separate ways with you shipping out in a matter of hours?"

He looked at their entwined fingers together. He began to analyze them. His calloused and large hands to her petite and soft. They were completely different but familiar at the same time. He looked back into her eyes, "I'm not going anywhere."

A beat.

"But if you need space from me -- from this than I understand that too."

This thumb raced the palm of her hand.

"Whatever you need, I'm here either way."

And there in lay the opportunity to deliver the truth. Did she tell him that space wasn't going to be that easy as he though; or did she continue as they were and walk away to let him discover the truth himself. "You...Sudis you've always been this comfort to me. From when you told me David had died; to the days after. I looked forward to your messages as they...they helped me to feel normal."

Jennifer paused as she struggled to formulate what she wanted to say. "In amongst the grief and anger you always came in someway at the right moment. You offered a break from a painful world; just hearing your stories or your very brief communiques of how you were doing. I'm scared...."

As she finally said it, the flood gates opened as she began to cry heavily and hard. The sobs wrenched from her body as her hand moved to her stomach as if trying to hold herself together. At this point she couldn't manage to talk, only to cry as every ounce of pain and grief lay open and exposed in that moment.

There was no hesitation on Sudis' part when she began to cry heavily and hard. He wrapped his arms around her bringing her in closer to him. One of his hands went through her brunette hair bringing her to bury her face into his shoulder while the other remained wrap around her. He leaned his head on top of hers while her tears began to flow. He repeated softly to reassure her, "I'm not going anywhere."

As the minutes passed, the sobs turned to quieter tears but still Jennifer stayed in Sudis' embrace, his chest damp with snot and tears; but the heat and heartbeat giving her a chance to be grounded. It was safe here, it felt like if there never moved that everything would be fine. If they stayed wrapped in this cocoon hidden away from the universe that nothing else would matter.

But the words he'd spoken I'm not going anywhere...she had to tell him. The reality was they couldn't stay here forever.

Quietly she lifted her head, rubbing her arm across her eyes and nose as she tried to at least look dignified. Quickly she realised that dignity wasn't going to be possible and honestly, the crying sessions had left her worn down.

"Sudis..." Her voice was quiet as she reached for his hand, wanting to just curl up against his chest again; settling instead on just remaining connected. "Im scared I'm going to hurt you and I won't know how to stop myself."

"Doctor Jennifer Richardson," he said her title, first and last name as a grounding tool with each word having important emphasis. "I know that you'll never maliciously hurt me because that's not in your nature as a human being. Relationships are complicated because we are naturally messy. We live and follow our heart, our dreams, our passions with our aches, pains and hardships. We are bound by these things out of necessity. It's our driving force behind a lot of things.

"You know all these things as your professionals as a medical doctor and now as a clinical counsellor. You are not designed to hurt, you are allowed to be scared and I know for a fact you can refrain from things because its within your own set of conditioning. I'm also too direct of a person. I don't allow things to manifest to the point that it will effect me negatively. It is who I am."

He allowed a silence grow between them before he shuffled his hand behind her head, pulling his fingers that were entwined within the strands of her hair. He brought that hand to his cheek and caressed her cheek softly, wiping her tears away from her cheek, "I'm not going anywhere." He took her hand and brought them into both of his placing a kiss down lightly on the crest of her knuckles, "I know that we won't be far apart. I know that you're stationed on the Venture too, I deduced it last night on our way to my quarters."

"We don't need to label our present status of the nature of our relationship now," Sudis continued, "On duty, we are the Counsellor and the First Officer. Off duty, we are simply Jenni and Sudis."

Fresh tears had started as she listened, to his words. Her heart knew he was saying everything she needed to hear but her mind just won't stop turning. The thoughts thumbled until her head hurt.

Her free hand reached to push a stray strand of hair away from his forehead before resting her palm against his cheek. As long as she was able to touch him, and he touch her; she could believe that maybe he was right.

Finally she spoke again, "Everyday I live knowing how disappointed David must be in me. He lived to experience life and if he could see how easily I lost myself we would be so mad. Tis strong woman who fought for peoples lives, became a woman who could barely Iive her own. And he's probably laughing...thinking how on Earth it's possible you and I could end up like this while knowing well, he played a part in it happening."

"No," Sudis shook his head in disagreement, "David wouldn't have said such a thing. He would have saw that you were struggling. In fact, I think he'd be more in your face about it compared to me. If David and I's paths were reverse, he would have continuously messaged you when he hadn't heard back from you in days since his last communique.

"He would have found this whole situation unbearably satisfying."

Beat.

"Particularly the gagh."

Jennifer laughed a little as the tears began to dry up; smiling a little more as she realised that Sudis had possibly gotten David down to a tee. "And the blood wine...can you imagine his laughter at me and you collapsed on the floor in drunken stupers? He'd have said it served me right for trying to out drink his squadron leader."

Shuffling a little on the couch, Jennifer moved to sit sideways on his lap as she wrapped her arms around his waist and setting her head against his shoulder. "I miss him...I miss him so much."

Sudis joined in with Jennifer's laughter, "Well. He would have warned me that I'm going to be fighting uphill in a losing battle as he knew I'm not a prolific drinker that could drink two Klingon warriors under the table." His arm wrapped over her shoulder when she moved in closer towards him, "I miss him too."

"I think David would have wanted you to be happy," he offered her. "I think he would have approved of us."

Jennifer felt her eyelids growing heavier, the emotions and tears had drained her of so much energy; just being against the comfort of Sudis' chest was lulling her to sleep. She tried to fight against it, moving a little on his lap; rubbing her head against his shoulder. "Everything happens for a reason..." Her voice drifted a little, even as she fought harder, "...you and David...the station...the Venture...it was always leading to this. I hope he knew in that moment before he died."

"He knew."

Beat.

"He always knew."

 

RSS Feed